Episode Transcript
We all talk about self-esteem and self-image. We have a vague
idea that these concepts play into how we feel about ourselves.
But do we really know what they mean?
Here’s the scoop about how your self-image and your self-
esteem affect the state of your arms.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to The Arm Coach podcast, episode
#19.
Before we get started I wanted to remind you that at the end of
the month I’m sending one of you a $100 dollar Visa gift card. It’s
going to someone who has written a review for the Arm Coach
podcast. So if you’re loving this podcast, be sure to leave a
review on whichever platform you’re listening.
I want to talk to you about something really basic that affects just
about every area of your life, including your arms. Today we're
talking about your self image, and your self esteem. We're going
to talk a little bit about what they are, how they're created, and
how and why we maintain them, even when they may not feel so
good. I also want to talk about whether or not you have any say
in your self image and your self esteem. And I think you can
probably guess my opinion on this before we even get started on
this topic. So here we go.
Let's first get clear on what your self image really is, since it
quietly rules just about your whole life. It's how you see yourself
in your life, and how you see yourself in the world. And your life
might include things like, what you think about your arms, your
physical body, what you think about your roles with other people,
your social roles. What you think about your personal qualities
and the way that you would describe yourself. And in the world,
what kind of human being are you? What kind of spiritual being
are you?
Okay so, what about your self esteem? This is about the extent
to which you approve, or disapprove of yourself, and also how
you value yourself. Now, your self image can be positive or
negative. And your self esteem comes from your self image,
right? Because how you see yourself determines how you think
about yourself, in general, and how you feel about yourself. Your
self esteem can be high, or it can be low.
So, what roles do your self image, and your self esteem play in
your life? They’re what determine your level of confidence, in
everything. Whether you accept yourself or not. Whether you
care what others think about you, and to what degree you care.
And even the general level of optimism you have. So both of
these labels about you, they both determine how you live your
life. And that includes how you eat, how you move, how you take
care of yourself, how you handle money, how you relate to other
people, how you do your work. Whether you move towards
success, or whether you stay stuck in failure in any area of your
life. Pretty powerful concepts.
Where do they come from? They come from your parents, your
teachers. They come from early experiences. They’re messages
that you've received from your early contacts, your caregivers.
Messages about you, about your body, about what you're
capable of, and what you're not capable of. Those messages
label you. And when you're young, you just don't know any
better. You assume that all the messages you get are the truth.
And so you adopt them, as if they were officially handed down to
you for a reason. Well, they were handed down to you, but not for
the reason you think. Not because they were true. Just because
of the mindsets and the personalities and the experiences of
these early influencers in your life. And it's just because that's
what they believed, that they gave these labels to you, and you
adopted them as true. And that's where the trouble begins for a
lot of us.
So now as an adult, you have this faulty wiring. That's essentially
your operating system, for how you look at yourself, your life and
how you fit into the world. And you don't question it. You use it
as your guidance for your life. A lot of women come to me and
they feel very defeated. They want to do new things. They want
to eat in a different way. They want to treat themselves differently.
But they can’t, because they come up against their old labels,
which are now a really deep part of them. These labels have
created their self esteem and their self image, and they think this
is just who they are. And nothing could be further from the truth.
These are just old deep, beliefs. And, if you remember when we
talked about what a belief is, it’s just a thought that you think
over and over, until it just feels like a part of you. And you see
yourself through the dark screen of these beliefs. Okay so you try
to make changes, but you run into your beliefs and you think you
don't have a choice, because you think they're true. Your beliefs
create your feelings, they create your moods, and from the way
you feel that's how you make choices. That's how you make
decisions. That's how you take actions. Now, this includes all
areas of your life, including how you eat, think, move. Everything.
Your low self esteem is painful. Your negative self image is also
painful, but it’s comfortable. Because it's all you know, right? And
you think it’s unchangeable, and you use it to define yourself.
Now your body image is also a part of your self image. It's not
only what you think you look like or how you think others see
you, but it's also what you think and feel and do, related to your
physical world. If you think well of yourself, you want to take care
of your body. You want to feed yourself well. You want to figure
out what you need, and take care of it. If you don't think well of
yourself, you may to try to do what's right for you, but you might
give up really easily, and do what's fastest and easiest. And this
is not necessarily in your favor. You may not give yourself the gift
of well prepared food. Maybe you don't take the time to prep
your food. You might grab whatever’s easy. You may not make
well, thought out choices. And mainly, this is because you may
not believe you're worth it. Ouch! I know it hurts to hear those
words, but secretly that's what a lot of us believe. We're just not
worth it. And if you do manage to do any of these nice things for
yourself, without that inherent, internal, high self esteem to back
it up, it's going to feel like a struggle for you every day.
So you get this very old message about your worth, when you're
really young. And then you cement it in your mind, and then you
keep adding to it as you grow up. And most of the messages you
add to it, are in alignment with what you were given as a child. So
if you're doing things and living your life, and if you're not lifting
weights or eating in a way that's creating results you don't like,
it's really time to take a look at your self image. Because that's
what's determined how you see yourself. How you do or don't
value yourself. If you want to change your arms or change how
you eat to change what you weigh, one of the things you want to
take a look at, is how you view yourself, and make some
adjustments. Now, this sounds like a big job. I know. But this is
really, really good news. You know, science used to tell us that
our brains were fixed, and unchangeable at probably about age
five. Now we know that our brains could change at any age. This
neuro plasticity, old pathways, can be pruned away from disuse
and new ones can be created. So you can raise your self esteem.
And you can change your self image, by changing your thoughts
about yourself.
You need to decide how you'd like to view yourself, and start
practicing. Take a look at your most common, go to thoughts.
Because your most common actions, come from those thoughts.
Maybe thoughts like ‘I just can't do that’. Or ‘I'm just not smart
enough’, or ‘I'm not good at that’. They sound so innocent. But
they're not. Now the first step is going to be catching yourself,
and hearing what you say when you talk to yourself. Just notice
it. And then begin to dispute those thoughts. You'll have to look
for evidence, for new thoughts, so they're believable and they
could stick around. But that evidence is there, you just haven’t
been focusing on it. These old labels and descriptors of you are
going to come up over and over again. Don't let that upset you.
It's only because you've practiced seeing yourself this way for a
really long time. And these old thoughts about you, they can
create some pretty bad feelings. I'm sure you know what I mean.
If you think that you're not smart enough to make big changes, or
there must be something wrong with you, these thoughts can
create some pretty bad emotions. They feel real. And they are
real, but the stories, those negative stories you've been telling
yourself for so long, that's what's not real. They're just old,
unhelpful stories you got from the adults in your past.
So, I want you to take a good look
at your critical thoughts about yourself. I want you to just very
slowly take tiny steps to stop reinforcing them. And stop
believing those thoughts. Talk to yourself, even when no one
knows what you're thinking, as if you were talking to a dear
friend. Because I know you'd never let anyone talk trash about
your dear friend, would you? Probably not. I want you to
deliberately turn your focus on what you like about yourself. And
this is not one of those games that we play in kindergarten,
where we go around in a circle and tell each other what we like
about the next person. This is real. Because this really helps shift
your focus from what's wrong with you, to what's right with you.
And I know that there are some of you saying, ‘Nothing. There's
nothing I like about myself’. It's just that that's what you've been
thinking for a very long time. I promise you, there are many things
about you, that are likable. Everyone can find some things that
they like about themselves, no matter how tiny they are. I want
you to set some goals for yourself, in any area, that are tiny and
reachable. And I want you to notice when you reach them, and
give yourself some really major pat's on the back. I want you to
reward that part of you, that's breaking out of your shell of the
labels that someone gave you, that you didn't deserve. And, you
didn't ask for. I also want you to stop comparing yourself.
Because life is not a contest with only one first place winner. It’s a
journey for all of us. All of us going at different paces. All of us
with different strengths and different weaknesses, that get us all
through our journey. Focus on you. I want you to decide today,
that you can view yourself however you wish. Your old image of
yourself, we're done with that. Start doing small things that will
give you the evidence you're looking for, that you're okay. In fact,
you're way better than Okay. Your self esteem is not etched in
stone, your self image is not etched in stone. You can rewrite
your story and start a new story. All it takes is a decision. I hope
that you stop living through someone else's random image of
you. And start trying to imagine how you'd like your life to be.
And that will help you see, how you could take care of your body
in a new way, and everything else.
So, that’s it for today everyone. Let me know what you think or if
you have any questions. And remember to get entered to win a
100 dollar visa gift card by leaving the show a review. Thanks for
listening and I’ll talk to you all next week.
