Episode Transcript
We’re talking about something no one tells women over 50 when it comes to getting
stronger, more toned arms: how you might be using gratitude against yourself. If you’ve
ever thought, “I should just be grateful—I have no right to feel this way,” this
conversation is for you.
Hey everyone! Welcome to The Arm Coach podcast, episode 68! Hey there, how’s your
day going? Have you been on social media yet today? If you have, you’ve probably
seen the word we’re diving into — blessed. And let’s be honest, on Instagram or
Facebook, #blessed is everywhere.
Usually, it shows up like this: someone posts a photo on vacation, toes in the sand,
drink in hand, glowing sunset in the background — and the caption? “So grateful.
#blessed.” Right? It kind of walks that line between celebrating life and humble-
bragging, like, “Look at this amazing life I’m living... but don’t worry, I’m totally grateful
for it.”
But today I want to talk about a very different version of the word blessed — one I hear
all the time from my arm clients. And not on social media. I hear it in coaching calls. I
hear it in their self-talk. It sounds more like this:
“I mean… I know I should be grateful. I’m healthy. I have a roof over my head. Who am I
to complain?”
That right there — that quiet thought — is where so many women get stuck.
Because here’s the thing: if you’ve ever used food to feel better, or skipped a workout
because you were overwhelmed, or told yourself “I’ll start tomorrow” after a long day...
and then immediately felt guilty because you should just be grateful — this episode is
for you.
Because gratitude is powerful. But when you use it against yourself? When it becomes
a reason not to take care of yourself, not to feel what you’re actually feeling, not to ask
for more? That’s when it silently blocks your growth.
Here’s where this becomes a problem — and I see it all the time.
When you start thinking, “Who am I to feel this way? I’ve got a good life, a good family,
a safe home… I should just stop complaining.”
You shut yourself down.
And once that inner dialogue starts — “I shouldn’t feel tired,” “I shouldn’t be stressed,” “I
shouldn’t be this frustrated or overwhelmed,” — you’re not just brushing off a bad mood.
You’re actually invalidating your own experience.
And that matters.
Because when you constantly tell yourself, “I have no right to feel this way,” you’re way
more likely to skip your workouts, grab something quick from the pantry, or tell yourself
“I’ll reset on Monday.” You end up using comfort — food, Netflix, zoning out — as a way
to escape what you’re feeling.
And that’s what quietly sabotages consistency.
So let’s talk about this idea of being blessed.
Yes, it’s everywhere. But I don’t think the problem is that people are celebrating the
good things in their life. I think the real problem is when you use that word — blessed —
against yourself.
When you use it as a reason to dismiss your real emotions. When it becomes your
excuse to not do something for yourself. That’s where it blocks your progress — not just
in arm toning, but in how you show up for your body, your goals, your needs.
You are allowed to feel grateful and overwhelmed. You’re allowed to love your life and
want something more for yourself.
That doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you human.
And listen, I get it. If you're hearing this and thinking, “Yeah, I kind of do that. I downplay
how I feel because I know I have a good life,” — I want you to know, you're not alone.
Because I’ve been there too.
Before I became The Arm Coach, I was a dental hygienist. I worked in a practice I truly
loved. I had two beautiful, healthy kids. A supportive family. A steady routine. From the
outside, everything looked solid.
And even without social media and hashtags like #blessed, I still carried that same
belief:
What do I have to complain about?
But here’s what most people didn’t see — deep down, I felt… off. Like something was
missing. Not because I was ungrateful, but because I couldn’t get comfortable in my
own skin. I was constantly comparing myself to other women — their bodies, their lives,
their discipline. I was always judging myself, always falling short in my own mind.
And the worst part? I was fully aware of how unhappy I felt… and I still told myself I had
no right to feel that way.
I’d think, “You have a good life, Kristine. You’re healthy. You’re lucky. Why are you
feeling like this?”
So instead of exploring what was really going on, I tried to bury it. I shoved those
uncomfortable feelings down. I’d stay busy. I’d overthink. I’d try to just “get it together.”
But here’s what I learned: the more I resisted those feelings — the more I told myself I
shouldn’t feel them — the louder they got. That quiet frustration? It built. The body
judgment? It festered. The inconsistency in how I showed up for myself? It got worse.
Not because I didn’t have blessings.
But because I didn’t know how to honor my truth while still being grateful.
And that’s what I want to help you do.
The reason this happens — the reason so many of us feel guilty for not feeling great all
the time — is actually pretty simple.
We’ve been sold a story.
And that story goes something like this:
Once you get the house… the husband… the kids… the body… the career… the
routine… the discipline — THEN you’ll be happy.
Right? How many of us have believed some version of that?
“If I could just lose the weight.”
“If I could just tone my arms.”
“If I could finally stick to something and stay consistent.”
Then… THEN I’d feel good. Then I’d feel proud. Then I’d be happy.
It’s such a familiar trap — and I’m telling you, it’s sneaky. Because it sounds logical. It
sounds like motivation. But really? It just keeps moving the finish line.
I actually saw a cartoon recently that nailed this idea perfectly. Picture this: a caveman
and cavewoman, sitting in a cave, totally miserable. And behind them? Piles of huge
boulders stacked up everywhere. The man turns to the woman and says,
"I thought getting bigger rocks would make us happier."
And I just laughed out loud. Because it’s so true. We keep chasing the next rock — the
next goal, the next body change, the next version of “finally having it together.” But the
truth is, that kind of thinking just keeps you stuck.
And honestly? I’ve lived it.
Growing up, I obsessed over my body — like so many women. I was a late bloomer,
and I remember watching all the other girls develop faster and thinking, “What is wrong
with me?”
I was so fixated on catching up, on looking like everyone else, on finally feeling
comfortable in my own body. I told myself, “Once I look like that… then I’ll be confident.
Then I’ll feel good.”
But here’s what I didn’t know back then: that kind of thinking never delivers the
confidence it promises.
Because there’s always something else. A little more definition you want. A number on
the scale. A season you want to be ready for.
It never ends — unless you choose to end it.
And that’s what I want you to see today: the goal isn’t to chase the “perfect” body. It’s to
build a relationship with yourself that doesn’t fall apart every time your arms jiggle or life
gets hard.
And yes — puberty eventually came. I caught up physically by the end of 9th grade. But
you know what happened next? You probably already know.
My focus just shifted to the next thing I thought was wrong with me.
Once I had the body I had obsessed over… my attention turned to my skin. My stringy
hair. My darker complexion. I didn’t have porcelain skin like the other girls. I still didn’t
feel beautiful enough, confident enough, good enough.
It was just one thing after another.
And that’s what happens when you build your confidence on “fixing” yourself. The bar
keeps moving. You never actually arrive.
This is exactly what so many of my arm clients experience — especially women over
50. You finally start seeing a little definition, or feeling stronger, or being more
consistent… and your brain immediately finds the next thing that still isn’t “right.”
The loose skin. The belly. The scale. The chin. The photos you took on vacation.
The message that you’ll finally feel good once your body looks different — that message
isn’t your fault. You didn’t make it up.
It’s been sold to you since the beginning.
Scroll through Instagram. Flip through a magazine. Watch any commercial. The formula
is always the same:
Look at this glowing, confident woman with smooth skin, tight arms, flowing hair,
wearing white pants in a perfectly clean kitchen. Don’t you want to feel like her?
The entire wellness industry has been built on one idea:
You’re not quite there yet. But if you buy this? You will be.
And listen — it’s brilliant marketing. But it’s also a lie.
Because if you understand how your brain works — if you understand the think-feel-act
cycle I teach inside Arms By Kristine — you know that nothing outside of you creates
lasting confidence or consistency.
Not toned arms. Not a smaller dress size. Not “finally getting it together.”
How you feel comes from what you believe. Not what you weigh. Not what your arms
look like. Not how many checkmarks are on your tracker this week.
And when you realize that — everything starts to change.
Your thinking is what creates your emotions — not your arm definition, not the number
on the scale, not how clean you ate this week.
And there’s nothing more eye-opening than finally getting the thing you swore would
make you happy — and realizing… it didn’t.
Maybe you finally hit your goal weight.
Maybe your arms are more toned than they’ve been in years.
Maybe you followed the plan perfectly for a whole month.
And yet — that deep dissatisfaction? That constant self-comparison? That low-grade
anxiety about “falling off”?
Still there.
Because it was never about the result. It was always about your thoughts.
You could have the strongest arms in your group of friends, wear the sleeveless top, get
compliments from your husband…
But if the chatter in your head still sounds like:
“It’s not enough.”
“I need to do better.”
“Look at her arms — mine don’t look like that.”
“I’ll probably gain it back.”
You’ll never actually feel good.
You’ll just move the goalpost and start over — again.
And this is the part most women never realize: your feelings don’t come from your body.
They come from your brain.
We’ve been taught to believe that confidence is something you earn — after the
workouts, after the meal plan, after enough effort. But that’s backwards.
Confidence comes from what you believe — not what you achieve.
And if you don’t learn how to shift that inner dialogue — if you don’t challenge the
thoughts that say you’re behind, or not enough, or doing it wrong — then no matter how
“successful” you get, you’ll still feel stuck.
That’s why I teach mindset first in Arms By Kristine. Because true transformation
doesn’t start with your biceps.
It starts with your beliefs.
So instead of focusing on what we’re thinking, we keep focusing on what we’re chasing.
We double down on that next goal — the number, the size, the perfectly toned arms. We
tell ourselves, “Once I finally get there, then I’ll feel better. Then I’ll feel proud.”
And it’s devastating to finally hit that goal… and still not feel how you thought you would.
You think, “Wait… what just happened? I thought this was supposed to fix it. I thought
this was going to make me feel confident, finally feel good in my skin.”
And when that doesn’t happen? When your arms are more sculpted but your inner critic
is still screaming? When you eat clean all week and still feel like you’re falling short?
That disconnect can feel so confusing — and painful.
So what do most women do next?
They reach for the next source of relief.
Not because they’re weak. But because the result didn’t deliver the feeling they were
promised.
And that’s when it’s easy to turn to the quick fixes:
“I’ll just have a snack.”
“I need a break — I’ll scroll for a while.”
“I’ll skip today. What’s the point anyway?”
You wanted the toned arms to bring you peace. When they didn’t, your brain just looked
for a backup plan — something that gives a quick hit of comfort. And food, distraction,
numbing out? Those things work in the short term. They release dopamine. They give
you a momentary sense of relief.
And that’s exactly what I did too.
I couldn’t understand how I could have such a good life — my family, my work, my
health — and still feel this low-grade unhappiness underneath it all. I didn’t know what
to do with all those feelings. So I looked for the fastest way to make them stop.
But here’s what I had to learn:
Every time I reached outside of myself to fix how I felt — whether it was with food, or
skipping my commitments, or just zoning out — I was weakening my ability to trust
myself.
Because it worked temporarily, but it never helped me actually feel better in the long
run.
And the more I relied on something external to cope, the less equipped I became to
handle my emotions on my own. And that’s where the cycle really starts.
Here’s the truth: having a beautiful home, wonderful kids, a steady career — even arms
you finally feel proud of — none of that will protect you from feeling bored, lonely,
frustrated, or dissatisfied sometimes.
Negative emotions are part of being human.
They don’t disappear just because you checked all the boxes.
You don’t earn your way out of feeling uncomfortable.
Not with results. Not with blessings. Not with progress.
But here’s what happens to so many of the women I coach:
They start feeling off — maybe unmotivated, maybe overwhelmed, maybe disconnected
from their body — and instead of getting curious, they shame themselves.
They look around at their life and think:
“I have so much to be grateful for. I’m lucky to be healthy. I shouldn’t feel this way.
What’s wrong with me?”
And that’s the moment the guilt creeps in.
They use gratitude as a way to silence themselves — to dismiss their emotions instead
of exploring them. And it backfires.
Because what they're really saying is:
“I’m not allowed to struggle. I’m not allowed to want more. I’m not allowed to admit that
something feels off.”
And that is a lonely place to be.
Most of them don’t even want to say it out loud — not to their spouse, not to their
friends, and definitely not to themselves. Because they can’t quite explain why they feel
unsettled.
But here’s what I want you to know:
You don’t need a “reason” to feel the way you feel.
You don’t need to justify it.
And you don’t have to cover it up with positivity or performance or perfection.
It’s okay for things to look good and feel off.
That doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you.
It means you're human — and it's time to start listening.
And here’s the second thing I want you to remember:
Whatever you’re feeling in any moment is never wrong.
I know — that can be hard to believe.
It was hard for me to believe, too.
But it’s true.
It is never wrong to feel frustrated, tired, resentful, overwhelmed, jealous, stuck — any
of it.
Your emotions aren’t moral failures. They’re not character flaws.
They’re just signals. Information. A reflection of your current reality.
When you understand the think-feel-act cycle — the foundation I teach inside Arms By
Kristine — you begin to see that your emotions don’t just appear out of nowhere.
They come from your thoughts.
So whatever you’re feeling right now? It’s simply showing you what’s going on in your
mind.
But here’s what so many women do:
They feel overwhelmed… and immediately shut it down with, “I shouldn’t feel this way.
I’m blessed. I have no reason to be upset.”
But denying how you feel doesn’t make the feeling go away.
It just buries it — and that buried tension becomes resistance. It builds. It simmers. And
eventually, it leaks out — often in the form of skipping workouts, stress eating, irritability,
or disconnection.
Here’s what I want you to practice instead:
Let the emotion be there.
Don’t shove it away. Don’t talk yourself out of it. Don’t slap a #grateful Band-Aid over
your truth.
Just notice it.
Say, “Okay… this is what I’m feeling right now. Why? What am I thinking?”
That’s the real work.
Not trying to feel better all the time.
Not trying to be positive all the time.
But getting honest with yourself — and using that honesty to grow.
Because when you stop resisting how you feel, you stop fighting yourself.
And when you stop fighting yourself, everything in your life — including how you show
up for your arms — becomes so much easier.
If you’re turning to food at the end of the day because you’re stressed, anxious, bored,
or lonely — that’s okay.
If you’re skipping your workout or zoning out on your phone instead of following through
on your plan — that’s okay too.
Fighting those emotions, telling yourself that how you feel is wrong — that’s never going
to help.
The only way to create real, lasting change is to first allow yourself to feel what you’re
feeling.
Not push it away.
Not smother it with a to-do list.
Not silence it with, “I should be grateful.”
All that does is create resistance.
And when you resist your reality, you can’t actually look at it. You can’t learn from it.
Here’s the real situation:
You’re feeling something uncomfortable — stress, overwhelm, disappointment — and
your brain has learned to cope with that feeling by reaching for something fast and easy.
Food.
Scrolling.
Putting it off until Monday.
And the more you rely on those quick fixes to change how you feel, the less skilled you
become at managing those emotions on your own.
It’s not because you’re lazy. It’s not because you lack willpower.
It’s simply because you haven’t been taught how.
That’s all that’s happening. Nothing’s gone wrong here.
So please — stop using the idea of being blessed as a reason to beat yourself up.
Stop using it to dismiss what you’re really feeling.
You can have a full life and still feel stuck.
You can be surrounded by love and still feel off.
That was true for me.
I had a beautiful family. A solid job. A life that looked good on paper.
But I still wasn’t okay. And pretending otherwise didn’t fix it.
Your circumstances don’t cancel out your feelings.
You can be grateful and frustrated.
You can have support and feel alone in your goals.
You can love your life and still want more for yourself.
Stop wielding gratitude like a weapon against your own truth.
Use it to ground you, yes — but don’t use it to silence what needs your attention.
Because when you actually allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling — that’s when you
can finally understand why you keep avoiding your goals… and how to start honoring
them instead.
So next time you’re scrolling through Instagram or flipping through someone’s vacation
photos, and you see that #blessed caption — pause.
And ask yourself:
“Am I using that same word in my own life to avoid how I really feel?”
And if the answer is yes, just know — you don’t have to anymore.
Your feelings are not problems.
They’re messages.
And they’re the exact roadmap to the toned, confident, consistent version of you that
you’re working toward.
Alright my friends — I’ll see you next week.
