Episode Transcript
Do you ever find yourself
eating just because food
is there—even when
you’re not hungry? If so,
you’re not alone. But what
if I told you that learning
to say “no thanks” to
unnecessary eating is one
of the most powerful tools
you have for toning and
sculpting your arms?
Hey everyone! Welcome to
The Arm Coach podcast,
episode 56! Here's what
we're going to talk about
today. We're going to talk
about how to say no thanks
to eating when you're not
hungry.
Now, you might be
thinking, “What does this
have to do with my
arms?” But trust me—this
is one of the most
powerful skills you can
develop if you want
strong, sculpted arms that
look and feel amazing.
Toning and sculpting your
arms isn’t just about lifting
weights or doing
exercises. It’s about
building a body that
naturally supports muscle
definition. And that starts
with eating in a way that
fuels your body, not just
your cravings.
When you eat when
you’re not hungry, your
body isn’t using that
energy—it’s storing it. And
when you store excess
fuel, it makes it harder to
see the definition in your
arms, no matter how
many reps you do.
Now the focus today is
what everybody's goal is.
And that goal is not
having the habit of always
saying yes to food. That
means changing the way
you think when somebody
offers you something, or
when you see something
that looks appealing, but
you're not hungry. So if
you always say yes to
food, then the big
question is, how do you
say no? And if you think
about it, it feels kind of
automatic. It feels
sometimes like you might
almost even forget that
you're trying to be aware
of what and how much
you eat. So today we're
really going to dig deep
into your habit of always
saying, okay, when
somebody offers you
something or when you
have the opportunity by
yourself to eat, and learn
how to turn that around
and how to say no.
Now the first thing I want
to think about with you is
why you need to say no
sometimes. Because you
may be saying, ‘well,
what's the big deal? If
something looks
appealing to me, why do I
have to say no?’ But we
all know that you would
not be here listening to
me in this group, if you
were not interested in
making some changes in
your life. And the changes
that we talk about here,
come from eating truly
from hunger and stopping
when your body's had
enough. And if you don't
learn how to say no when
it's appropriate, then that
will never happen.
So why do you need to
say no sometimes? Let's
talk about a few of the top
reasons.
Maybe you're just not
hungry. And so if food is
presented to you, no
matter how delicious it
looks or smells, then you
need to learn to say no,
so that you don’t start
eating when there is no
need.
Another reason that you
need to learn to say no
sometimes, is that in
order to live your best life,
the best version of your
life, you want to learn to
be intentional. Intentional
in how you live, and how
you show up in your life.
And that includes in how
you eat, and how you take
care of yourself. So you're
not just reacting to
whatever's in front of you
in the moment, but you
are very consciously and
deliberately making
choices. And that is going
to involve sometimes
saying yes and
sometimes saying no by
necessity. Now another
reason you might need to
say no sometimes to food,
is that you've had enough.
So one of the things you'll
need to learn is to figure
out when to stop. And
when your body gives you
that signal that it's good,
it's filled enough, does not
need any more food in
that moment, then you
need to learn to use your
body as the guideline and
say no to more food.
Because your body's had
enough, even if your mind
wants more. Now, you
might also not like what
you see in front of you. I
don't know about you, but
many of the people I talk
to, are automatic eaters.
And if they're eating
something at someone's
home or even their home,
and they think it's their
time to eat but they don't
like it, sometimes, even
when you don't like it,
you're automatically in a
habitual mode of not
stopping.
So there are several
reasons why you need to
develop the skill of saying
no. We know we need to
say no, but what stops
us? What stops you from
saying no? And there's a
lot of things in this
category. Let's talk about
them one by one. I'm sure
you've heard of fear of
missing out. ‘When will I
ever get this food again?
This is so unique, I have
to eat it now. I don't want
to miss my opportunity’.
Or ‘everybody else is
eating, I should be able to
eat too’, which is really
kind of silly when you're
not hungry. But you're
afraid to miss out on
something. And you might
hear yourself saying
things like, ‘what about
me? It's not fair. What
about me?’ And that “It’s
not fair” could lead you
into another reason why
you need to learn to say
no and why it's hard for
you. And that might be
that you have cultivated a
mindset of deprivation.
Where you are in the
victim mode and you are
thinking, ‘Oh, poor me. If I
say no to myself, it’s not
fair’, which also goes
back to fear of missing
something. So if you say
no to yourself you're
thinking that it's not fair,
and it's not right, you may
be thinking, ‘I shouldn't
have to say no to myself’.
Now think about this.
When you say no to
yourself, no one is making
you do it. Yet, even
though it's our decision,
sometimes you might
rebel against yourself.
You might rebel against
your own common sense,
telling yourself, ‘You've
had enough. You're not
hungry anymore. It's
good, you can have more
tomorrow when you're
hungry’. And even still,
you might rebel against
you telling you, that you
should be saying, ‘No
thanks, I don't need any
more’. It also might just be
a habit, like a reflex.
Where even though in
every single habit is
always a thought that
leads you to feel
something and then take
an action or not take an
action, but sometimes
when it's so deeply
practiced, it doesn't feel
like a habit anymore. It
doesn't feel like there's a
thought anymore. It just
feels like it's so fleeting
and fast that you have no
choice. Now this is not
true, but that is what it can
feel like. So if you
recognize what I'm
saying, then you can
know that having the habit
of never saying no and
eating whatever is
presented to you, that
might be one of the things
in particular that stops you
from saying no.
Another thing that stops
you from saying no, tell
me if you've ever done
this, is if you hear the
voice in your head saying,
‘Oh, I'll start tomorrow’.
Now, we know tomorrow
never comes. And this is
simply the voice of your
lower brain. And it's just
an excuse to get you to
do that habit of eating,
whenever, however much
you want, to get you to do
it right now. So if you hear
yourself frequently saying,
‘oh, I'll just be good
tomorrow, I'll just start
tomorrow’, be aware that
that's just your lower brain
trained to do repetitive
things for you to actually
make your life easier. But
in this case it's helping
you perform an act that
literally goes against what
you're trying to do. When
you trying to say no
thanks to eating when
you're not hungry, so that
you can develop a new,
totally different habit, of
eating like a naturally
toned person. And you
know that naturally toned
person can be in front of a
beautiful table of food,
their favorite foods, and
yet, say no because they
don't need that food at
that moment in their body.
Remember, it's a body
decision of whether to eat
and when to stop. It is not
a mind decision.
So we've talked about the
problem, being able to
say no when you're not
hungry. We've talked
about why you will
definitely sometimes need
to say no. And we've
talked about what stops
you from saying no when
food is there, and you
think you should eat, but
you're not hungry. So let's
talk a little bit about what
it does take to be able to
say no. Well, it takes
several different things.
And it takes a feeling. It
takes a desire. And every
single feeling that you
have comes from what
you're thinking. So if we're
going to focus on what
you need to think to be
able to say no, what we're
really talking about, is you
staying connected to
what's going on around
you. And developing an
awareness, a
consciousness, of what
you're doing. So that it's
truly a choice. You're not
on autopilot. You know,
you haven't checked out
from what's going on
around you. You're
connected, and you're
aware. It also takes a
connection to yourself, in
the sense that you need
to know for sure that you
want this. That you want
this outcome. That it's not
just something you're
trying to get yourself to
do. That you know that
you want it, and you know
why you want it.
And that brings us to the
big why. The big why
question of why do you
want to say no. And we
talked about the reasons,
the practical reasons, but
when I say that you need
a very strong why, what I
mean is that you need a
strong reason to say no
when you're not hungry.
And the reason is your
motivation. The reason
why you want to do it, is
what will give you the
feeling of confidence and
determination and
commitment that will help
you be able to see what's
going on around you and
say no.
I want you to look at two
sides of the coin when it
comes to having a strong
why. One side is what
you’re running from, and
the other is what you’re
running toward.
On one hand, you might
say, “I want to be able to
say no thank you to
food when I’m not
hungry because I don’t
want to feel self-
conscious about my
arms anymore. I don’t
want to keep hiding
them under long
sleeves, even in the
summer. I don’t want to
feel frustrated every
time I see my reflection
and wish my arms
looked different. I don’t
want to struggle with
weak arms that make
everyday tasks—like
lifting groceries or
holding my grandkids—
more difficult.” These
are the things you’re
running from.
But the other side of the
coin is just as important—
it’s what you’re running
toward. Instead of
focusing on what you
don’t want, shift your
mindset to what you do
want.
Do you want to feel proud
when you catch a glimpse
of your toned arms in the
mirror? Do you want to
confidently wear
sleeveless tops without a
second thought? Do you
want to feel strong and
capable, knowing your
arms are firm, defined,
and working for you
instead of against you?
Do you want to carry
heavy bags with ease, lift
your grandkids without
struggle, and feel
empowered by what your
body can do?
Both sides of this coin
matter. One reminds you
of what you don’t want to
experience anymore, and
the other pulls you toward
the strong, sculpted,
confident version of
yourself that you’re
working to become. Keep
that why front and center
—because every time you
say “no thanks” when
you're not hungry, you’re
saying yes to the arms
you want
This is all well and good,
that these are the things
that it takes to say no. But
you have to find a way to
keep this desire on the
front burner. On the front
burner of your mind. So
that you even remember
that this is what you're
trying to do. Now this may
sound funny to you, but
many people are excited,
and they're motivated,
and they have a very big
why, and they're honest
and it's sincere, and
they’re determined. But
then they wake up, and
life starts, and they really
literally forget what they
were trying to do. So you
have to take all that
awareness, connection to
yourself, and your strong
why, and you need to find
a way to wake up a few
times during the day.
Check in with yourself and
see how you're doing, so
that you have the ability to
see what's happening.
And step back and say,
No thank you. It's got to
come from knowing, and
remembering what your
goal is. What you're trying
to do.
So if you're in the habit of
seeing food and saying,
‘Sure, why not’, and
forgetting everything that
you're trying to do, then
you can use these five
steps to teach yourself
how to not follow that
habit.
So the first part of this is
for you to know that that
urge, that habit to eat
when food is presented to
you, even though
intellectually you know
you don't need it, and you
know you don't want it
“intellectually”, the first
step is to view that desire
to eat, as neurological
junk. Just as you would
view an urge to binge as
neurological junk. These
urges don't really mean
anything. We get the urge
to eat food that looks
good. And then our mind
starts to look for reasons
why we should do it. ‘Well
she cooked it just for you.
Shouldn't you at least
have a little taste?’. Or
‘oh, she brought that back
from her trip for you. You
should eat it. You don't
know when you'll ever get
that again’. Or maybe
you're the one that's
traveling and you are in a
different country or a
different state or a
different city or a new
restaurant. And look how
your mind will search for
reasons to justify eating
something that your body
is clearly telling you, you
do not need. This desire,
these urges, are not
meaningful. And the more
you don't respond to
them, and just see what's
happening, and dismiss
them, the more you can
accomplish the goal of
rewiring those pathways
in your brain, so that
desire dies away. When
you do these five steps,
which I will tell you what
they are in a minute, I
want you to expect the
discomfort. And expect
that you need to get past
and go through, being
uncomfortable, until a
better habit is created. So
the discomfort doesn't
mean you better go ahead
and eat anyway. The
discomfort just means,
‘Oh, my brain is used to
doing one thing and I
want it to do something
else’. So this might feel
challenging. And the first
four days of changing
most types of habits are
usually the most
challenging.
So the first thing you want
to do, is see the urge or
the desire of whatever it is
you'd like to stop doing.
And in this case, it's just
giving in mindlessly when
you're presented with food
and you're not hungry,
instead of just saying no
thanks. See what's
happening. And then
separate yourself from it,
knowing that it's just a
habit. Meaning it's a habit
of the part of your brain
that gets you to do things
that are routine. And that
habit is not you. That
lower brain is not you. So
see the desire. Separate
from it. Don't react to it,
don't get upset that it's
happening, and just try to
remain neutral. And then
don't act on it. Don't give
into it. That strengthens it.
When you learn to do
these steps, and you
learn to say ‘no thanks,
I'm not hungry’, then I
want you to get excited. I
want you to get excited at
what you have
accomplished. Because
it's big. And the more you
can do it again and again
and again, eventually you
seeing food, checking in
with your body, you're not
hungry, and you're saying,
No thanks, that is going to
be your new natural
behavior. It won't feel
hard, it won't feel forced. It
will feel natural. And that's
how a naturally slim
person eats. They check
in, they weigh the pros
and the cons, they're not
hungry, they just dismiss
that desire, and they know
they can probably eat that
when they're hungry. And
let's say you can’t. Let's
say it really is a missed
opportunity. Then I need
to say to you, So What?
You know, so what if you
miss an opportunity to eat
something, even if it's
incredibly delicious? Life
will have many many
many more 1000s of
opportunities to eat
delicious things. So step
back and look at the
bigger picture. What I
want you to focus on
going forward is this. I
don't want you to avoid
situations where you will
be presented with food
that's tempting and
delicious, and you will be
struggling to say no
thanks, because we want
to get rid of the struggle.
In order to do that, you
need to practice. So I
want you to look for the
next opportunity. Look for
the opportunity, and
welcome it. And welcome
it so that you get a chance
to see what it feels like to
be on the other side of
this challenge. It’s like you
have to work a little
harder because you're
going uphill. Just for a
little while, and then the
new habit will be formed.
And then it will feel like
you're going downhill,
which as you know, is so
much easier.
So start with one of the
things that you typically
do. Whatever it may be.
At someone's house, in a
restaurant, when
someone you're with is
eating and you feel left
out. Whatever it is that
you typically do when you
know you're not hungry, I
want you to look for that
opportunity and be
determined. Put it on the
front burner. Set a
reminder on your phone.
Before lunch, go into the
meal knowing that you're
looking for an opportunity
to say, ‘No thanks, I'm not
hungry anymore’, or ‘I'm
not hungry’ to start.
Observe yourself, and
then do this and make this
your goal. And see if it
doesn't feel easier when
you are finished.
So now you know what to
focus on. This is it for this
subject in our coaching
session today, and you
have some work to do. I
would love to hear how
you're doing. Send me a
message or leave a
comment! See you all
next week!
