Ever feel like there’s a part of you that really wants stronger, more sculpted arms — and
another part that keeps blowing off your workouts, skipping your plan, or rebelling
against every “rule” you set for yourself? You’re not alone. In today’s episode, we’re
going to dive deep into why you rebel against your own goals, and more importantly,
how you can finally break that cycle so you can build the toned, confident arms you’ve
been dreaming of.
Hey everyone! Welcome to The Arm Coach podcast, episode 75!
So here’s the thing—I always ask you to send me your ideas, your questions, the topics
you most want me to cover on the podcast. And today, we’re going to dive into what’s
actually been the most requested topic by far. And that’s rebellion.
Now, when it comes to toning your arms or following any kind of consistent
plan—whether it’s your workouts, your nutrition, or simply showing up for
yourself—rebellion sounds like: “Nobody can tell me what to do. Nobody can make me
lift weights three times a week. Nobody can tell me to eat more protein, or to pause and
check my hunger first. Not even me.”
Right? It’s that knee-jerk pushback against any rule, any structure, any
voice—especially when that voice is your own. And let me tell you, I know this pattern
so well. For the longest time, I was walking around with this attitude of, “Hey, I’ve earned
the right to eat what I want, to skip a workout if I feel like it. You can’t take that from me.
I’m an adult. I’ve paid my dues.”
Honestly, being able to loosen my grip on that story—being able to let go of that
stubborn little rebellion—was absolutely critical for me. Not just for how my arms look
now, but for how I actually feel in my body.
And here’s the thing: it’s also true. You do have the right to skip your workout. You do
have the right to eat whatever’s in the pantry, to bail on your plan for the day. You have
complete free will. Telling yourself you don’t is actually a lie—and it’s one that backfires.
In fact, I did a whole podcast on this very idea—telling yourself you can’t. Because the
second you start saying, “I can’t have that,” or “I can’t skip my workout,” you’re way
more likely to stir up all these heavy emotions—feeling deprived, embarrassed,
resentful, even powerless. And let me tell you, those emotions are never the fuel that’s
going to drive lasting change for your body.
So if you haven’t listened to that episode, go back and check it out—it’s episode 17
called Breaking Free from I Can’t. But today, I want to dig even deeper into this rebellion
issue, because here’s the truth: even when you fully acknowledge your free will, you
might still feel like there are two parts of you at war.
One part of your brain is crystal clear: “This isn’t working. I don’t like how I feel in my
arms. I don’t like pulling at my sleeves to hide them. I hate that I’m not following
through—this just doesn’t feel like the woman I want to be.”
But here’s the catch: there’s also this other part of your brain. The part that’s like, “Ugh,
screw it. Actually, screw everyone. I can do what I want—I’m a grown woman. If I want
to skip my workout, or have that second helping even though I’m full, I’m gonna do it.
Back off.”
Sound familiar? That’s the real tug-of-war so many of you describe. One side of you is
longing for change—wanting toned arms, wanting to feel confident in sleeveless tops,
wanting to be proud of how you show up for yourself. And the other side? It’s basically
digging in its heels, arms crossed, saying, “Don’t tell me what to do.”
So what do you do when it feels like there are these two parts of your brain locked in a
standoff?
The answer might surprise you. Because you can’t start shifting those rebellious
thoughts, the ones that keep saying “nope, not doing it,” unless you first understand why
they’re there. You have to uncover where this rebellion even comes from. That’s exactly
what we’re going to explore today. Why you push back against your own best intentions.
Why your brain throws a little tantrum anytime you try to create a new routine or follow
through on your plan.
Because once you understand it? Then you can actually start to shift it.
And here’s the thing—rebellion itself isn’t always bad. It just means resisting rules or
challenging authority. Totally normal. In fact, it’s a natural part of being human. Think
about it: when you were a kid, your parents were in charge of everything. They decided
what you ate, where you went, when you went to bed, how long you could stay out,
even what clothes you wore. You didn’t get a say in much.
So rebellion starts young—long before we’re teenagers rolling our eyes and slamming
doors. Even little kids start testing the waters, pushing back, saying, “Hey, I’m not a
baby. I can decide some things for myself.” Rebellion is actually how we start to develop
independence. It’s how we learn we’re not just extensions of someone else’s control.
And that carries right into adulthood. It’s why a part of you still bristles whenever
you—or anyone else—tries to lay down rules. Even if the rules are meant to help you
create strong, sculpted arms.
So here’s what happens: it starts off as a totally normal, healthy part of becoming your
own person—rebellion is how you first learned to stand on your own two feet. But over
time, that same instinct to rebel can become a way to experiment with your identity, to
figure out who you are and where you fit in the world.
When you push back on rules, or even on your own goals, part of what you’re doing is
exploring your autonomy. Testing your edges. Trying on who you want to be.
So listen, rebellion itself isn’t bad. It actually makes complete sense. It’s part of how you
grew up, how you shaped your independence, how you discovered who you are. It’s
literally hard-wired into how we develop as humans.
But here’s where it starts to trip us up: rebellion doesn’t always serve you. Especially
when you’re decades out of high school—when you’re a grown woman—and that
rebellion now looks like skipping your workout because nobody’s gonna boss you
around, eating whatever just to prove you can, or ignoring your own plans even though
you know the consequences.
That’s the flavor of rebellion we’re talking about today. The kind that sabotages your
efforts to build strong, toned arms and keep promises to yourself.
So let’s start by really understanding where these rebellious thoughts come from. And to
do that, I want you to think back on all the messages you got growing up—not about
drinking, but about food, your body, exercise, or how you “should” look.
Maybe you heard: “Finish everything on your plate.” Or “Girls shouldn’t have muscles.”
Or “Don’t be vain, just be grateful.” Or even little comments like, “Is that what you’re
going to wear? Should you be showing your arms?”
We all got different doses of these messages, and we all responded differently. But for a
lot of women, it planted seeds of both anticipation and defiance. Anticipation of finally
being in charge of your own body, your own choices—and a simmering rebellion, like
“Just wait until I’m old enough to decide for myself.”
Those messages shaped you more than you might realize. And they’ve quietly fueled a
push-pull relationship with following through on the things you say you want now—like
creating sculpted arms or simply sticking to your commitment to move your body.
So think about this: for years and years, you were told “no, no, no”—about all kinds of
things tied to your body. Maybe it was “No, you’re too young to be dieting,” or “No, don’t
worry about your body, you’re just a kid.” Or maybe it was “No, don’t lift heavy, that’s for
boys.”
Then, suddenly, you’re an adult. You’re officially in charge. You can eat whatever you
want, whenever you want. You can decide if you want to exercise or not. Nobody’s
forcing you into a PE class or telling you to finish your broccoli.
Now—side note—your brain doesn’t actually finish fully developing until around 25, but
legally and culturally, you’re considered an adult way before that. And so there’s this
huge switch that flips. After years of messaging that your body choices weren’t yours to
make, suddenly it’s all on you.
So imagine, after all that conditioning, someone tries to tell you now—at 40, 50,
60—that you “should” be lifting weights, that you “shouldn’t” snack after dinner, or that
you “should” stick to your plan. Your brain’s like, “Excuse me? I’m a grown woman. I’ll
do what I want.” There’s this deep-seated part of you that almost wants to rebel on
principle.
And that’s the tricky part. Just because you’re older, doesn’t mean all those old beliefs
about “freedom,” or what it means to be in charge of your body, suddenly disappear. If
anything, the second you introduce new “rules” for yourself—like lifting three days a
week, or pausing before you eat—you can accidentally wake up that old part of your
brain that thinks, “This is so unfair, this is stupid, I’m just going to do what I want. No
one can stop me.”
All of those early experiences, all of those messages about who’s allowed to make
choices for your body—they don’t magically fade. They’re tucked away, and they often
pop right back up the moment you try to change your habits.
But here’s the thing: this is just one source of those rebellious thoughts—the old
messages you got about your body and who was in charge. And it is an important piece,
because so many women tell me that when they try to follow a plan or commit to lifting
consistently, it somehow feels silly, even childish. Almost like, “I’m too grown for this.
Shouldn’t I just be able to eat what I want, skip workouts if I want, live freely?”
It’s because we were all fed these ideas that being an adult meant you were completely
in charge, no more rules. So when we start placing structure on ourselves—like
planning workouts or paying attention to how full we are—it can feel like we’re taking a
step backward.
But beyond these old messages, there’s another huge reason you might be feeling
rebellious right now, and I really want you to pay attention to it.
It’s all the other areas in your life—outside of your workouts, outside of toning your
arms—where you already feel buried under rules and obligations.
If you’re a people pleaser or a perfectionist, this is massive for you. Because let’s be
real: people pleasers and perfectionists are basically walking around with this running
script of “I have to.”
I have to look put together.
I have to be a good mom, a good partner, a good friend.
I have to keep the house spotless, make everyone happy, never drop the ball.
I have to look a certain way—thin enough, firm enough, toned enough—so no one
thinks I’ve let myself go.
It’s this endless mental checklist of how you’re supposed to show up in the world. And
here’s what I want you to see: the word “have” might seem harmless, but it’s sneaky.
Every time you tell yourself, “I have to work out,” “I have to eat better,” “I have to tone
my arms,” you’re basically telling your brain you have no choice.
And that’s a lie. Because the truth is, you are never actually forced. Not with your
workouts, not with your meals, not even with the little daily things that keep life running.
You don’t have to lift weights. You don’t have to prep your protein. You don’t even have
to pay your bills, take out the trash, call your mom, or go to work.
Now, will there be consequences if you don’t? Absolutely. Maybe you’d rather have
money in your account than late fees, a fresh-smelling kitchen over a stinky one, a close
relationship with your family instead of distance. But that’s different.
That’s want to. Not have to. And there’s a huge difference in how that feels.
When you constantly tell yourself that you have to do something, you completely strip
away your sense of free will. There’s no room for it. It feels like you’re being shoved
around by your own life.
But when you flip it—when you start saying, “I want to do this,” or “I’m choosing to do
this,” suddenly you’re back in the driver’s seat. You’re the one with the power.
And I’ll tell you, before they start working with me inside Arms By Kristine, most of my
clients don’t even realize how many times a day they’re feeding themselves this script of
“I have to.” It’s not until we start unraveling it together that they see: so much of what
they think they’re forced to do, they actually want to do. There’s a real desire
there—they just buried it under layers of obligation.
But imagine how heavy that gets. Think about all the negative emotion you’re
generating in your mind and body—over and over all day—when every single thing you
tell yourself is, “I have to do this.” That’s a recipe for frustration, overwhelm, even quiet
resentment. And inside the think-feel-act cycle, it sets you up to self-sabotage.
So how does this connect to why you sometimes push back against your workouts or
your plans to eat in a way that serves your goals? How does it explain the rebellion that
pops up when it’s time to lift weights or pay attention to your fullness cues?
Well, start by imagining this: you’ve spent your whole day telling yourself you have to
get through your work meetings, you have to keep the house spotless, you have to
show up for every family need, look a certain way, never let anyone down, not make a
single mistake.
What kind of emotions do you think that creates? A whole cocktail of powerlessness
and resentment. You’re convincing yourself you’re being forced through your own
life—and that inevitably builds this simmering urge to rebel.
So it’s no wonder that by the time the evening hits, or the weekend rolls around, your
brain is craving some relief. You want to escape that endless “have to” energy. For
some of you, it shows up in skipping your workout, ignoring your plan, grabbing snacks
when you’re not hungry—because it feels like the one place you finally get to cut loose.
It’s the one area that’s just for you, where nobody gets to lay down the rules.
And I see this all the time with perfectionists and people pleasers—especially the
incredible women over 50 that I work with in Arms By Kristine. You spend so much of
your day trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations that your brain craves a space
with zero rules.
And I’ll tell you—this was a huge realization for me in my own life. Because for so long, I
was walking around completely wrapped up in being a perfectionist. Honestly, there was
a time I wore it like a badge of honor. I actually thought it was an asset that I was so
obsessed with getting everything right.
All day long, from the second I looked in the mirror in the morning, to how I showed up
at work, how I handled my responsibilities, paid my bills, stayed on top of every little
thing—I was constantly running this tape in my head: “Be perfect. Be perfect. Be
perfect.”
And back then, food and workouts weren’t where I gave myself freedom—they were just
more things to control. So skipping them or eating off-plan felt like rebellion. It was the
one little corner of my life where I could say, “No rules apply. I can do whatever I want.
No one gets to tell me otherwise—not even me.”
So for someone who spent every single day piling on the pressure to be flawless, that
was the only space I allowed myself to cut loose. It was my me time, even if it didn’t
actually serve me. And honestly—who wants to give up the one place in their life where
they feel totally untethered? Especially when you spend all day suffocating under
perfectionism.
That’s why in Arms By Kristine, I talk so much about shifting your language—and your
mindset. It’s not about saying, “I can’t skip my workout” or “I can’t eat that.” That
language puts you right back into feeling trapped and powerless.
Instead, we start practicing: “I’m choosing to lift today. I’m choosing to stop when I’m
satisfied.”
But more importantly than just flipping your words is understanding why your brain is
craving rebellion in the first place. What are you telling yourself all day long?
Because if your entire day is run by thoughts like “I have to be perfect, I have to make
sure everyone’s happy, I can’t let anyone down,” then of course by evening your mind is
desperate for relief. That’s when you’re most likely to skip your plan, skip your lift,
overeat—because it feels like the only time you’re not under a microscope.
The truth is, when you find yourself rebelling as an adult, it’s almost always because
you feel forced—like life is happening to you. But you’re not actually stuck.
There’s a giant difference between “I have to do my workout” and “I want to move my
body today. I’m choosing to get stronger.” One feels drenched in obligation. The other is
all about owning your power.
So here’s what I want you to do today. It’s a really simple exercise that will help you start
uncovering exactly what you’re telling yourself all day long—and how it might be fueling
your urge to rebel against your own plans to tone your arms or follow through on what
you said you’d do.
Just grab a sheet of paper and at the top, write this:
“What I am telling myself I have to do.”
Remember, “have to” sounds so innocent. But every time you tell yourself you have to
do something, you’re basically telling your brain you’re being forced—that you don’t
have a choice. And that’s never going to create an emotion that feels good, empowered,
or inspired.
So fill up that page. Write down everything your mind says you have to do—big or small.
“I have to clean the house.”
“I have to cook dinner.”
“I have to get to work, pay the bills, help the kids.”
“I have to look a certain way, not disappoint anyone, be on top of everything.”
“I have to exercise.”
“I have to eat better.”
“I have to stick to my plan so my arms don’t get flabby.”
Get it all out—every single thing.
Then, go back through your list. For each line, ask yourself: “Am I truly forced to do
this? Do I actually not have a choice? Who’s making me?”
And most of the time, you’ll see that you’re not forced at all. You have free will. Maybe
you want to do these things because you like the results—like a clean kitchen, money in
the bank, or strong, sculpted arms. Maybe you choose them because you don’t love the
consequences of not doing them.
Either way, notice that difference. When you see that you’re not being forced—that
you’re choosing—cross it off your “have to” list. Reclaim your power, one line at a time.
Because here’s the truth: so many women I coach inside Arms By Kristine have spent
years telling themselves they have to keep everything perfect, keep everyone happy,
never let a single ball drop. And after a whole day of thinking that way—guess what? It’s
no surprise your brain looks for an escape.
For some of you, that looks like blowing off your workout. For others, it’s reaching for
snacks when you’re not hungry or skipping your plan entirely—because it feels like the
one place you finally get to say, “No rules. No expectations. Just me.”
But even in that moment when you’re saying, “You’re not the boss of me,” you’re
actually talking to yourself. And ironically, you’re often creating a bunch of negative
consequences that only make you feel worse—frustrated with your progress,
disappointed when you look at your arms in the mirror, stuck in the same cycle.
If blowing off your plan feels like the only place you allow yourself to be imperfect or to
relax, of course you’re going to guard it fiercely. Of course it feels like there are two
parts of your brain at war.
But here’s the real solution: it’s not about forcing yourself harder. It’s about
understanding how your perfectionism, your people pleasing, and your constant “have
to” thoughts are actually laying the perfect groundwork for rebellion.
So do this exercise today—and let me know how it goes. Shoot me an email at
[email protected] (or just message me on Instagram). Tell me what you
discovered.
And if you’re ready to take this work even deeper, to learn how to truly choose your
plan—so you can finally follow through, build trust with yourself, and get the strong,
toned arms you want—come join us inside Arms By Kristine. I promise, it’s going to
change everything.
Alright my friend, I’ll see you next week.
