Episode Transcript
If you’ve ever found yourself standing in the kitchen with a snack
you didn’t really want…
If you’ve ever said, “Just one more episode” or “I’ll start tomorrow”
while scrolling through your phone…
If you’ve skipped a workout and then beat yourself up about it
later...
This episode is for you.
Hey everyone! Welcome to The Arm Coach podcast, episode 59!
Listen, we’re going to start today’s episode a little differently. I
want to begin with a quick exercise. So take a moment and
pause—just for a second—and think about your happiest
memory. It can be anything. Maybe it was the birth of your child.
Maybe it was hearing that tiny cry for the first time, holding them
in your arms, or looking into their eyes and feeling your heart
expand in a way you didn’t even know was possible. Maybe it was
getting that job you dreamed about, or a trip that made you feel
alive, or even just a beautiful, ordinary moment with someone you
love deeply.
Do you have that memory in your mind? Really place yourself
there. Close your eyes if you need to. Picture everything around
you—what you were wearing, how the air felt, the sounds, the
smells, the look on your face. Let yourself feel it.
Did you smile just now? Isn’t it incredible how just thinking about
that moment brings up emotion? That right there—that’s your
mind doing its magic. It’s a powerful reminder that how we think
can shape how we feel.
Now for me? When I do this, I think about the birth of my children.
Nothing in the world compares to those moments. I didn’t know
my heart could stretch that wide or that time could feel both frozen
and electric at once. And I’ll be honest—I never spent a lot of time
imagining what those moments would be like ahead of time. But
when they arrived? They cracked me wide open in the best way.
Pure love, pure presence.
And here’s the part that still amazes me: that feeling—that sense
of joy and connection and wholeness—it didn’t come from
anything outside of me. It came from the way I was thinking in
those moments. That’s the real secret. And it’s the same kind of
thinking we can train our minds to access, even when we’re doing
something like toning our arms or choosing a different habit. That
feeling is always available. And today, we’re going to talk about
exactly how to tap into it—on purpose.
Now, I want you to go back to that memory you were just holding
in your mind. The one that made you smile, that lit you up. Got it?
Okay. Now—stay with me here—I want you to imagine stripping
all the emotion out of it. Take away the joy, the love, the awe, the
peace, the laughter… whatever it was for you, just remove all the
feeling from the moment.
What are you left with?
Just a flat, neutral scene. A series of events. No spark. No depth.
Just another moment in the millions that make up your life. It’s
kind of shocking, right? Because the memory itself isn’t what
made it beautiful. It was the emotion you felt that made it come
alive. Emotions are what give our lives richness and meaning.
Without them, everything is beige—just a long string of
circumstances.
And the reason I’m starting the episode this way is because I hear
this a lot from my clients. You love the structure of what I
teach—the mindset tools, the habit shifts, the arm work—and
many of you really connect with the think-feel-act cycle. You love
having a way to finally understand what’s been keeping you stuck.
But then… you get to the feeling part, and suddenly it’s like,
“Yeah, no thanks. Not my thing. Can I just skip that part?”
But here’s the truth: you can’t.
You can’t create a naturally toned body, or a strong habit, or a
deeply fulfilling life, without working with your emotions. You don’t
actually want a life that’s flat and numb. You don’t want every
moment to feel the same. You don’t want to go through your day
just reacting to neutral circumstances with no color, no passion,
no depth. And guess what? You don’t have to. Your emotions are
not the problem—they’re the key. And today, I’m going to show
you how to use them to fuel the life and body you actually want.
We actually want to feel emotions. Even those of you who’ve told
me, “Kristine, I just don’t do emotions”—yes, you too. You do want
to feel. But here’s the truth underneath that phrase: when you say,
“I don’t do emotions,” what you’re really saying is, “I don’t do
negative emotions.”
And that’s such an important distinction.
Because I’ve never met a single woman who says, “I’d be totally
fine if I never felt joy again.” No one’s trying to erase laughter or
excitement or love or pride. You want those. We crave those. But
when it comes to the harder ones—frustration, boredom, guilt,
shame, disappointment—that’s where we say, “No thanks. Let’s
shut that down.”
But if you’re serious about using the think-feel-act cycle to change
how you show up—whether that’s in front of the mirror, in your
workouts, or in your daily decisions—you have to be willing to feel
all the emotions. Not just understand the cycle in theory, but really
use it. That means getting curious about why you’re avoiding the
feelings part.
So ask yourself: Why am I only open to the “good” stuff? Why am
I trying to skip past discomfort? Because here’s the deal—being
human means we get the full emotional menu. And when you
learn how to feel on purpose, instead of escaping or reacting,
that’s when you become unstoppable. That’s when your habits
start to change for good. That’s when you stop needing willpower
to stay consistent or to push through a tough day.
It’s not that negative emotions go away. It’s that they stop being
scary. You don’t have to run from them. You don’t have to avoid
them by distracting yourself or telling yourself you're “too old” or
“not motivated enough.” You just feel them—and move forward
anyway.
And today, I’m going to show you exactly how to do that.
Now, I think there are three big reasons why many women say, “I
just don’t do emotions.” And I’m going to walk you through all
three in a minute, but here they are upfront:
You believe some emotions are wrong.
You believe emotions are irrational and don’t really make sense.
You believe some emotions are just too strong—like if you feel
them, they might take you under.
But before we dive into those, let’s take a step back. Because if
you’re trying to change your habits—especially ones tied to your
body, your health, or your self-concept—you need to know what
emotions actually are and why they matter so much in this
process.
And even if you’ve heard me say this before on the podcast, it’s
worth repeating—because I’m asking you to look at emotions in a
very different light than you may be used to.
So let’s get this clear: I use the words emotion and feeling
interchangeably. The think-feel-act cycle could just as easily be
called the think-emotion-act cycle, but… it doesn’t quite have the
same ring to it. So we stick with think-feel-act.
Here’s what a feeling—or emotion—really is: it’s a word we use to
describe a state of mind that you can physically sense in your
body. Things like happy, sad, bored, anxious, lonely, frustrated,
motivated—those are all emotions. And notice: they’re all one
word.
Now this part is important—when you start using the think-feel-act
cycle, you have to get good at separating your thoughts from your
feelings. They’re different.
For example, if you think, “I feel ugly”—that’s not actually an
emotion. “Ugly” is a judgment. It’s a thought. That thought might
create the feeling of shame or embarrassment, but the feeling
isn’t “ugly.” You’ve got to learn how to make that distinction.
Because once you do, you gain power. You stop being confused
about why you’re stuck or unmotivated or constantly starting over.
You begin to see what’s really creating your experience.
And that’s when real change starts to happen—not just in your
arms, but in your life.
So here’s why all of this matters—especially if you’re trying to
change a long-standing habit.
Understanding how you feel—being able to name and identify
your emotional state—is crucial if you want to create real, lasting
change. Because let’s be honest: most habits we’re trying to
break or shift—whether it’s pouring a glass of wine, skipping a
workout, grabbing something sweet, or zoning out on the
couch—are quick and easy ways to change how we feel.
So if you want to interrupt that habit loop, you have to know what
emotion was driving the urge in the first place.
Think about it: the moment you say no to an old habit—the
moment you don’t give in to the urge—you’re probably going to
feel a little restless. A little uncomfortable. Maybe even anxious.
That’s totally normal. That’s what it feels like to not escape a
feeling the way you used to. And right there—you’ve got to be
open to experiencing a negative emotion instead of trying to
outrun it.
Now, take it one step further. Let’s say the urge didn’t just appear
out of nowhere. You were already feeling something
uncomfortable before the urge showed up. Maybe you came
home from work already feeling overwhelmed. Or you were
heading to that social event already feeling insecure or anxious.
Maybe it was just boredom creeping in around 4pm.
So now what are you dealing with? A double layer. You’ve got the
original emotion and the discomfort that comes when you interrupt
the cycle and don’t automatically react.
But don’t worry—this is where the magic happens. This is why we
use the think-feel-act cycle.
Because when you understand what you’re feeling—and what’s
really creating those feelings—you stop being at the mercy of
them. You’re no longer pulled around by loneliness or stress or
self-doubt. You see the emotion, you name it, and you sit with
it—without needing to numb it or fix it.
And from there? You’re in the driver’s seat. That’s where your
power lives.
Now, some of you have already experienced major breakthroughs
with this. And I know because when it clicks, you can’t wait to tell
me.
I get the best messages—things like, “Oh my gosh, Kristine, I
finally got it. I let myself feel what I was feeling. I didn’t run from it,
I didn’t try to numb it with food or busyness. I just sat with it,
noticed it in my body, breathed through it… and you know what? It
passed. It didn’t last forever. I felt so much more in control.”
And I love hearing those stories. Because when you realize that a
negative emotion won’t break you—that it’s actually less painful
when you stop fighting it—it changes everything. You don’t have
to like it, but it becomes tolerable. You stop being afraid of your
feelings. You stop reacting out of habit. And that’s when you step
into real power.
But then there are others of you who are still thinking, “Okay,
Kristine, that’s cute, but I don’t have time to sit with my emotions. I
don’t know what kind of life you think I’m living, but there’s no
meditation room in my house. I’ve got a job, a family, a million
responsibilities. I’m not into all this touchy-feely stuff. So yeah…
can we skip that part?”
And to that I say—nope. Not if you want real change. Because
this isn’t about being “woo.” It’s about winning. And sitting with
your emotions doesn’t mean you have to light a candle and hum
for 30 minutes. It just means you pause. You breathe. You notice
what’s happening instead of reacting on autopilot.
That’s it. And it’s powerful. Because it’s the key to no longer being
driven by urges, cravings, excuses, or old patterns.
And I want you to know—I truly get it. I’ve been there. For a long
time, feelings were not my thing. And honestly? That was
because I spent a lot of time feeling unhappy. So the idea of
slowing down, sitting still, and actually feeling that unhappiness?
It felt unbearable. Like, why would I do that on purpose?
So what did I do instead? I distracted myself. Not just with
food—though that was part of it—but with constant busyness and
screen time. I was really good at staying “productive.” I’d work
late, scroll my phone endlessly, take breaks I didn’t need just to
grab a snack, head to the coffee shop, grab something sweet,
something salty… anything to fill the void.
And when I finally got home? The TV went on—and stayed on. I
wanted that background noise, that distraction. I didn’t want to be
alone with my thoughts. And if that wasn’t enough, I’d be glued to
my phone—checking emails, scrolling social media, keeping
myself constantly stimulated. And on weekends? If I was feeling
really low, I’d just sleep. It sounds silly now, but sleep was one of
my favorite escapes. It was a way to turn off the discomfort and
slip into unconsciousness.
But here’s the thing: I started to realize that reaching for food, or
turning on a screen, or zoning out with busyness… none of it was
about actual hunger or rest or entertainment. It was about not
wanting to feel what I was feeling. It was about numbing out from
my own life.
Now I know some of you might be thinking, “I hear you, Kristine,
but I don’t think I’m avoiding emotions. I think I’m just tired. Or it’s
just a habit. I like to snack while I watch TV, or scroll before
bed—it’s just my routine.”
Okay, but let me ask you this:
What would happen—how would you feel—if you sat on the
couch without grabbing a snack? Or if you went through an
evening without picking up your phone or turning on the TV?
What comes up?
Would you feel bored? Restless? Maybe a little lonely or uneasy?
That’s the emotion you're trying to avoid.
So whether you're trying to escape the negative emotion you’re
already feeling—or avoid the one you think you'll feel if you
change a habit—this is exactly why emotional awareness matters.
Because if you want to stop overeating, stop zoning out with
screens, or start showing up differently for your body… you’ve got
to start noticing what you’re feeling before the habit kicks in.
And once you do that? That’s when real change becomes
possible.
So let’s talk about the first belief that tends to hold people back
when they say, “I don’t do emotions.”
It’s this one:
The belief that certain emotions are wrong.
This shows up in all kinds of ways. I hear things like:
“I just don’t think good people should get angry.”
“I should be above this jealousy—it’s so petty.”
“I don’t want to admit I feel sad… it feels weak.”
“Everyone expects me to be happy. I don’t want to be a downer.”
Can you relate to that?
Here’s the truth: emotions are just emotions. Full stop. There’s
no such thing as a “bad” emotion. But the reason so many of us
believe there is, is because we’ve been trained—especially as
women—to judge certain feelings as signs of weakness,
selfishness, or failure.
You think feeling angry means you're out of control.
You think feeling jealous makes you a bad person.
You think feeling sad means you're not strong.
But none of that is true.
There is nothing wrong with any emotion—including the
uncomfortable ones. And more importantly, nothing has gone
wrong when you feel a negative emotion. It just means your
think-feel-act cycle is working exactly as it should. Your brain had
a thought, that thought created a feeling, and that feeling is
showing up in your body. That’s it.
And every emotion—yes, even the ones you don’t like—has a job.
It’s giving you valuable information. It’s pointing to the thoughts
you’re thinking, the way you’re interpreting what’s happening
around you, or how you’re judging yourself or others.
So instead of saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” ask:
What am I thinking that’s creating this feeling?
Because once you’re willing to be curious instead of judgmental,
you can start to see the root of what’s really going on. But when
you label certain emotions as “wrong,” you resist them. You shove
them down. You distract, escape, overeat, scroll,
overwork—anything to avoid feeling what you’ve already decided
you shouldn’t be feeling.
Let me say it again for the women in the back: Nothing has gone
wrong when you have a negative emotion. Nothing. But your
brain will try to convince you otherwise.
When you feel a negative emotion—like stress, loneliness,
irritation, boredom—you immediately think, “Uh oh. Something’s
wrong. I shouldn’t be feeling this. And I definitely need to fix
it—right now.”
And so you reach for something to make that feeling go away. A
snack. Your phone. The remote. Something that gives you that
quick relief. Something that says, “I don’t have to feel this
anymore.”
But here’s the truth:
Yes, you can absolutely strive to feel more joy. More compassion.
More calm. You can work toward a life filled with more positive
emotion—and I want that for you. But you don’t get there by
rejecting what’s real for you right now. You don’t get there by
saying, “I just don’t do anger,” or “Sadness? Nope, that’s not me.”
That’s not how it works.
You create more peace by being willing to feel all of it. The full
range. You become stronger and more emotionally free when you
stop labeling your emotions as problems and start treating them
as messages—clues that point back to your thoughts. That’s what
the think-feel-act cycle is for. It helps you see what’s going on so
you don’t have to guess or react on autopilot.
Which brings me to the second belief I want to talk about—the
one that also gets in the way of emotional growth:
The belief that emotions are irrational.
Or maybe you take it even further and think all emotions are
irrational.
So we tell ourselves things like, “This doesn’t make sense,” or
“I’m being too sensitive,” or “That person’s reaction is totally out of
proportion.” And we dismiss it—our own or someone else’s—as
something silly or illogical.
But here’s why so many of us feel this way:
No one ever taught us how emotions actually work.
Most of us never learned that our emotions come from our
thoughts—not from the people around us, not from the situation,
not from the food or the number on the scale. Without a
framework, emotions just seem like these mysterious things that
show up out of nowhere. Like a storm rolling in. No warning, no
pattern, no explanation.
And when we don’t understand our own emotional patterns, it’s
nearly impossible to make sense of someone else’s. So we judge.
We pull away. Or we try to fix them—or ourselves—as fast as
possible.
But here’s the good news: emotions do make sense. Every single
one. And when you learn how to read them instead of resist them,
they stop being scary—and they start becoming useful.
So here’s where it gets even more interesting.
A lot of the time, we look at someone else’s emotional response
and think, “What is going on with them?” It doesn’t match our
reaction, so we label it as irrational or over-the-top.
You see this all the time in relationships—especially around the
little day-to-day things. I mean, just walk into any kitchen and look
at the sink. Dishes everywhere. One person is fuming, and the
other is like, “What? I didn’t even notice.”
And what happens?
Each person is baffled by the other.
“Why don’t they care?”
“Why are they so upset about something so small?”
We expect other people to feel the way we do. And when they
don’t, it feels confusing—or even frustrating. But here’s the thing:
it’s not the dishes that are causing the emotion. It’s the thoughts
each person is having about the dishes.
Once you understand the think-feel-act cycle, all of this makes
sense. You realize: the same circumstance—like dishes in the
sink—can create totally different emotions, depending on the
person’s mindset. One person’s thinking, “No one respects my
time,” and the other is thinking, “I’ll get to it later.” Of course
they’re feeling different.
And the same goes for you.
Sometimes, even your own emotional responses feel
irrational—because you’re not fully aware of what you’ve been
thinking or feeling beneath the surface.
Ever had one of those moments where you drop something—a
spoon, a plate, a jar—and suddenly you burst into tears? And
then you’re like, “What is wrong with me? It was just a spoon!”
Yeah. Been there.
But what’s really happening is this: your thoughts and emotions
have been building up. You’ve been pushing them down, holding
it all together, staying “strong.” And then something seemingly
small happens—and it all spills out. Not because the spoon
matters, but because you’ve been carrying unprocessed feelings
for days, weeks, maybe longer.
That’s why awareness is so powerful. When you understand how
your thoughts create your emotions, you stop being confused by
your reactions. You stop shaming yourself for feeling “too much.”
And you can finally start to create new habits—from a place of
understanding, not just willpower.
Let’s talk about one more thing I see come up all the time—the
thought that some emotions are just too much. Too overwhelming.
Too intense.
It’s that fear that if we let the emotion in, we might never come
back from it. So we hold it at bay. We keep the lid on tight.
Because if we really let ourselves feel what we’re feeling, we
imagine it’ll be like opening the floodgates—and drowning in it.
We even use that kind of language: I’m overwhelmed. I’m
swamped. I feel submerged. I can’t deal right now.
But the question is—why do so many of us feel that way? Why do
we have such resistance to just… feeling?
And honestly, it goes back to what we didn’t learn as kids. Most of
us weren’t taught what an emotion even was. We weren’t taught
that those physical sensations in our bodies—like a racing heart,
tight shoulders, a lump in our throat—are normal responses to
emotion. We weren’t taught how to name them, sit with them, or
process them.
Instead, we got messages like, “Don’t cry.” “Shake it off.” “Be
strong.”
Or we watched the adults around us struggle with their own
feelings, and we quietly learned to do the same—push it down,
power through, distract ourselves.
So no wonder, as adults, we turn to food or our phones or another
episode on Netflix to take the edge off. Those things give us a
quick escape. But the cost? We stay stuck. We stay
disconnected. And the cycle repeats.
Here’s what I want you to hear:
You don’t need a meditation room or hours of free time to feel
your emotions. You just need willingness. A moment of honesty. A
pause to ask yourself:
“What am I feeling right now?”
“What’s happening in my body?”
That’s it. And yes—it can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if
you’re used to numbing instead of noticing. But you can do this.
You can build this skill. You can ask:
“Where do I feel this tension? Is it in my chest? My shoulders? My
jaw?”
“Am I clenching? Am I slouched?”
“What’s my breathing doing? My heart rate?”
When you start observing instead of avoiding, you create space.
You give yourself a moment to decide—not just react. And that is
everything.
Because when you do this, you’ll see: the emotion isn’t
dangerous. You don’t have to eat to quiet it. You don’t have to
scroll to escape it. It will pass—especially if you stop resisting it.
And here’s the best part: your emotions are not the enemy.
They’re your way out. They’re how you begin to unravel old habits
and build the kind of life—and body—you actually want.
So be open. Be willing. Be brave enough to feel it all—the good
and the hard. Because living a fully expressed, naturally toned,
deeply fulfilling life? It’s never neutral. And you don’t want it to be.
Alright, my friends—that’s what I’ve got for you today. Keep
sending me your messages, because I know once this clicks for
you, you’re going to want to tell me. And I can’t wait to hear about
it.
