Episode Transcript
Today’s episode is something special! I’m doing something I’ve never
done before on the podcast—answering a listener’s letter on air. Crystal,
one of my incredible followers, has given me permission to share her
story and coach her through a challenge that I know MANY of you can
relate to.
If you’ve ever felt out of touch with your body’s signals, this episode
will give you the tools to start rebuilding that trust—step by step, with
no drama.
Hey everyone! Welcome to The Arm Coach podcast, episode 53! Today
I'm going to do something a little bit different. I've talked about this
before but this is the first time on this podcast that we will be doing this.
I get many letters from my followers, and I love them all and I answered
them all. And I've been talking about answering some letters on the air.
A lovely woman wrote to me with a quite detailed, very interesting
question. And the reason I selected her, with her permission of course, is
that it's not uncommon. And I know that you may relate to a lot of
different parts of her question. So this letter is from Crystal, and Crystal
has given us permission to talk about and coach her through this episode.
I want you to see if you can relate to any of the struggles that Crystal's
having with reading the hunger signals from her body. And I want you to
use this coaching session to troubleshoot your own hunger signals, and
your fullness signals, of course, and to get better at knowing when and
how much to feed yourself. Your goal is to be internally guided by the
signals from your body. So what I mean by that is to be able to eat just
like a baby eats. A baby that is not overfed, of course, or just like an
animal eats. Same thing, an animal that is not overfed, but in their own
natural rhythm from a little hungry to a little full. So I'm going to read
parts of this letter. And I want you to just listen and imagine if you can
relate to these questions and issues. So here goes. ‘Since listening to
your videos and realizing I'm in control of my thoughts, I have lost 27
pounds in four weeks.’ So let me pause for a minute and say, Crystal,
that's amazing, just from listening and applying what you learn. She
goes on to say ’It feels easy and natural and like it is what I am supposed
to be doing. I'm sure you can imagine what diets I have tried, and I'm
sure you have heard it all. I want to continue to move forward and push
through this. I just had a quick question I'm having a hard time telling if
and when I am hungry. I don't know why, but I rarely feel hunger. Is this
from years of eating for pleasure? Is my stomach broken? Are there any
tips or tricks you have on this? The only thing I can feel is a bubbly
feeling in my gut, but no actual hunger pains. Any feedback you can
provide is appreciated.’ So then I asked Crystal if she could elaborate a
little bit more on what she does feel and what eating is like for her. And
here's what she said. ‘There have been very few times in my life when I
physically felt hunger. And it was mostly when I was younger and food
was scarce. As an adult I have never let myself get to that point where I
was physically hungry. My usual thought is Well it's 12pm, time for
lunch. Or Oh my, look at that dessert. I must have it with no regard to
my stomach whatsoever. This means that I am always full. I would never
let myself feel physical hunger, because it was such a bad feeling as a
child, I didn't want to ever feel that way again. I basically have two
modes. Either I am starving mentally, or I've just stuffed myself to the
point of not being able to function. This is a normal feeling for me.
Since listening to the videos and making some mental adjustments, I
realized I have no connection to my body. If I do, it's very faint and
almost non existent. Before I eat now, I asked myself, am I hungry? My
answer is always, I don't know. I try to reason with myself and think
about all the external factors, as if they will give me some sort of
direction on what decision to make. Then I start to think, Okay, I haven't
eaten in eight hours and I still feel full. Is that normal? I must be hungry
because I haven't eaten all day. The physical feelings just aren't there.
The only physical feeling I can feel is this slight bubbling in my
stomach. I can also feel it in my throat and mouth when I haven't eaten
for a while. This doesn't really feel like hunger, just more of an
uncomfortable feeling. When I eat based on those physical cues, I tend
to not know when to stop because I wasn't sure how hungry I was to
begin with.’ And the last part of her question is, ‘What I have been doing
is eating less than I was before, and stopping when the next bite tastes
slightly different, or not as good as the initial bite. I am honestly not sure
if I'm getting enough food, because I'm scared I will overeat and start to
feel uncomfortable. I am looking for a way to get back in touch with my
physical needs. I'm just not sure how to do this. Did I break my sensors?
Am I permanently damaged? This is really the root of my question.’
So, definitely, definitely, nothing is wrong here. First, I want to
give applause to Crystal, and to any of you who've been through
something similar and have a similar issue where it's difficult. I
want you to know that it is pretty normal, when you have spent
years running from hunger, that it gets really quiet. It's kind of like
your mind is disconnecting from your body. It doesn't do that,
literally, but that's the result, that's what it feels like. And if you
fear hunger, it's because you've been through a period where you
weren't sure you would get what you need. So, if you don't feel
physical hunger, you are hungry, your body needs food no matter
what your mind is telling you, but I understand that it's hard to
tell if you're starving or stuffed. So that signal is dim, but not
gone. And it sounds to me like the signals that you're describing,
in your throat, and your mouth, and that bubbly feeling, are
hunger. Maybe you have an idea of what hunger should feel like.
And it feels different for everyone. You also mentioned the word
hunger pains. Hunger is not really painful. We think of it mostly as
hunger pangs, P.A.N.G.S., where you're just feeling a discomfort
in your stomach. Hopefully none of us get as really empty and
starving to feel in physical pain. That would be pretty extreme.
It's understandable though, that if in a period of your life, if you
didn't get enough, that you would do anything to avoid that
extremely empty, very, very hungry feeling. It's like if you were
driving your car, and at one point in your life you ran out of gas,
and you got stuck somewhere. And it was frightening. You will
never do that again. And if that ever happened to you, you would
go out of your way, maybe if the tank is down a quarter or a half,
you will fill it up right away. That's understandable, right? So I
want you to start by reassuring yourself that right now, as an
adult, you have enough. And you will always have enough. You
will make sure that. That can be your new mantra, that you need
to keep retraining your brain, which is going to go into survival
mode. You know, ‘there’s not enough. You're in danger. You're
going to starve, you have to keep eating’. And what we want to
do is form a new pathway in your brain, letting your higher brain
know, your adult brain know, that there is enough. And you will
get what you need.
So for right now, it's okay to go, either by the clock or by
portions, and just give yourself a small meal or a snack every
three to four hours, and take that bubbly feeling as hunger. One
thing that you can do, is to have food prepped. Make sure that
it's available and ready to eat. Because then, when you do get
that little tiny empty feeling, even if you don't recognize it or see
it as that, let's assume that's what it is. And then you will be able
to reassure yourself, because food is close, right? Food is ready
and available. I want you to practice swinging on that pendulum,
from instead of very very full to very very empty, more
somewhere in the middle to a little full to a little empty. And back
and forth. One thing you might do is check in each hour. Set a
timer, set your computer, set your phone, just to go off with a
gentle noise. And when it goes off, try to focus on the body, not
the mind. Not saying, ‘Well I had a sandwich and a salad. I
shouldn't be hungry’. Instead of doing that, just check in, get
quiet for a minute, and say ‘how do I feel? how does my body
feel? how does my stomach feel? do I feel empty? Try to focus
on body, not mind, every three, four hours. I like what you're
doing by judging the fullness when the taste starts to change,
and it's not as delicious as it was when you started. Because if
we really, really are paying attention when we are hungry, if we're
really paying attention, food will taste more delicious than when
there is no longer any hunger there. I also want you to try to eat
slow enough to notice if there's any kind of pause in your eating.
Where you catch yourself doing like a big sigh, you know, where
you just pause for a minute and sighhhh....
And that's another signal that your body is getting close to
having enough.
So look for that empty feeling. Know that it's going to be muted,
nothing is broken. Once you start getting used to eating in a
rhythm, then I want you to start to rate your hunger. So not just
saying ‘I'm hungry’, but to be able to put a number on it.
Because this will help you really, really, get in touch with what's
going on for you. And just guess. You’re saying Crystal that you
might be worried that you're not getting enough food. And I know
your weight is coming off, and I know that's what you want to
happen. But I understand that it also can be a little bit scary,
because the weight is really coming off, but the amount that you
were eating before, was supporting all your extra weight. Now
that you're eating less, that extra weight is not being maintained.
So it's natural that it would start coming off. And as you get
closer to your goal, that weight loss of course, is going to slow
down. But just be interested. Just be curious. I definitely do not
want you to restrict your food. Meaning, I don't want you to say
no to eating when your body is genuinely hungry. If you're just in
the habit of eating, it's okay to say no. If you are feeling
emotional about something and it's uncomfortable, and you're
used to eating when you're emotional, it's okay to say no to that
too. But if you do start to feel hunger in your body, even though
you still want to lose weight, I do not want you to not eat when
you're hungry. I want you to honor the hunger, so that you're
really building a strong connection, again, that was lost between
the signals your body gives you, and the signals that your brain
picks up.
So try not to be discouraged. And keep experimenting. I want
you to really give yourself a pat on the back. Firstly, you have not
given up. With everything you've been through, and the struggle
that you're facing now and in the past, you've still cultivated
hope to keep going. You're experimenting with what works.
You're open to trying new things. You're checking in with yourself
to see if you can learn anything. These are all wonderful,
wonderful things. And you're open to looking at an old problem in
a new way.
So that's what I have to say to Crystal, and that's what I have to
say to you. If you can relate to this, and it's a challenge for you,
remember what we say. Take it as a challenge without the drama.
As just a problem to be solved. And it is solvable. The main thing
is that you want to learn what empty feels like. You want to play
detective. And once you learn to do this, the cool thing is you
can go anywhere and you will always have the perfect way of
knowing with you of when to eat and when to stop. Don't be
discouraged if this takes a little while. But relax and know that
your body is not broken. The signals disappeared to protect you
from something that seemed impossible to bear. Especially
because you were young. Those signals will come back. You can
do this. Be patient with yourself. So for now, be curious about
your own hunger, and we will go on from there.
So that's it for now. I hope to see you back next week!
