047: Before You Quit, Do This!

Let’s face it. You’ve probably given up on your arm and weight goals a few times. Or maybe more than a few times. You may be intimate friends with the art of giving up. Quitting. Walking away. And when you do that, your goals remain a distant dream that you never quite achieve. That’s why today, I’m going to coach you on quitting, and how to be prepared for those unwanted suggestions to drop what you’ve been attempting. Hey everyone! Welcome to The Arm Coach podcast, episode 47! We have so many new listeners! Exciting! So if you just found me, Welcome! And if you're a regular listener, Welcome back! Today we're going to talk all about what to do when you feel like quitting. So get ready to be coached, because we're gonna dive right in. Before I start, I just wanted to say thank you. I want to thank you for not only being here and doing these coaching sessions with me and being a listener, but for really sharing with me how they are beginning to impact your exercise and eating habits, and change what you do and how you think. And that's our goal here. You and I working together, helping you look at things differently So I just want to say thank you for being here, sharing the podcast with your friends, and for sending me beautiful messages and emails letting know the impact of our coaching sessions. Thank you again. So today we're going to talk about what to do when you feel like quitting. And the first thing we're going to talk about is, wha does it look like and feel like, when you get that, probably habitual thought, that it's time to give up. It's time to quit. So here's what usually happens. You pick some goal. And it could be a goal about how you want to tone your arms. It could be a goal about weight loss, it could be a goal about your exercise habits and how you wish that you could not follow the urge to skip the weights. So whatever it is, you're working on something, right? And you might go for some days, or some weeks, or some months, and then something happens that will cause you to either slow down or slip. And this is common. I want you to know that you're not the only one this happens too. But what you might see happening then, is that it might start taking you longer and longer to get up and to get back on track. And then eventually, you stop doing what was working. And that is where the problem begins. So why might this be happening? Well, we've all felt it. And the reason that you're feeling it, that potential for quitting, for giving up, is because of your thoughts. Your thoughts are what's happening. Your thoughts are leading you to feel like giving up. And when that happens, you're entertaining those thoughts, because you're believing that quitting is an option. You're believing that giving up is an option. So the first thing I want to make really clear with you, is that yo need to think something differently. And that is, quitting is not a option. When you have a goal, when you know you want to start doing something, or stop doing something, the first thing I wan you to implant in that brain, in that belief system that you have, is that quitting is not an option. Because just imagine this. What if you believe that no matter what, quitting was not one of your choices. If you believe it is, when you get the thought of quitting, then your mind is going to search for reasons to back you up. And you know what? You will come up with reasons why you should quit. I can guarantee that you will. But if you believe that it's not an option, then, when you slip, when you slow down, when you get to that typical point where you used to quit in the past, your mind is then going to search for reasons to back you up. To keep going, because quitting is not an option. And here's why. When you think that you should quit, the feeling that it gives you, feeling like being hopeless, it feels totally real, Right? And that's what leads you to stop. But when you don't have the option, when you have the thought that ‘quitting is just not a possibility for me, I need to work around it and find a wa to go through it, and find a different way to think about it’, t you're going to give yourself a different feeling, which is hopeful And you will keep going. So, the feeling is real but the thought is not. And the thought of quitting is just a simple habit. Why should you not allow quitting to be an option? Because I can guess, and I can bet, that you probably have always had that in your back pocket. You know, ‘well, I'm going to try this, but if it doesn't work, it's okay’. And that would be like going into a relationship, and from the very beginning, telling yourself ‘well you know, I really, really care about this person, and I think I'm falling in love, but if it doesn't work out, it's okay, we'll just break up’. It doesn't help you get through the hard spots. So, remember when you were a kid and you might have taken one of the millions of multiple choice tests that we all did. And you know that the test makers put in a choice that's not true, and it may be unrelated to what what the subject is, but it causes you to be confused. And it causes you to consider something, that you didn't really think about, or believe in the first place. And i you chose that answer, you'd probably be wrong. So now I want you to look at quitting, as one of those multiple choice answers, and I want you to take it out of the list of choices. You’re here because you know how much better your life will be, if you make the changes that you're working so hard on making. You know that getting passed this will put you in such a better place, because it's what you really, really want. So you have to get past thinking that this is an option. Quitting is not an option. And when it's no longer an option, then you're going to start searching for real options, real choices, that will give you the results that you want. What if you failed many, many times in the past, as we all have, in our search to get anywhere that we want in life? I'm telling you now, that you should not use past failures as evidence that you can't do something, and that you should quit. Think about what failure means to you. Does it mean that you didn't reach your goal weight?. Does it mean that you didn't stick to your plan? Does it mean that you got off track? Does it mean that you'r starting over again, after having failed in the past? Well, here's another way to look at it. Failure is just feedback. All it means is that you need to try another strategy. I want you to see all the past failures, not as evidence that you should quit, but just that you need to see it as a natural part of change. You fail, you fall down, you learn, you keep moving. The alternative is to fail, fall down and stay down. And that, as we've talked about before, that's your only real potential failure. Staying down. So please start looking at failure as a part of learning. So now you know why you're not going to quit. You know why it's not an option. Let's talk about what your signals are that quitting is on the table, so that you can notice them, and then choose how to not follow those signals. I want you to think about what your own familiar thoughts about quitting are, that you take to be the truth. You know, you hear yourself thinking something, and you just take it for the truth. For reality. And you follow it. So here are some examples that you may have experienced. For example, maybe you overeat. And if you have an all or nothing mentality, as soon as you overeat, you're going to get this voice telling you to quit. Or maybe you forgot to pay attention to your hunger and your fullness, and you eat more than you need. You're going to get that familiar message that it's time to quit. Or maybe you just give in to that urge to skip lifting weights once again, even though you're trying not to follow your urges. And if you're in this habit, you're going to interpret doing that as a signal that you need to quit, you're not cut out to do this, Even though you see others around you able to do it. I want you to look for the typical words that go off in your mind, tha basically are saying to you, ‘There you go again. I knew you couldn't do it’. Or ‘what's wrong with you’. All those words that you typically think, are signals for you to wake up and see what's happening. And see that what is happening, is that you're simply going into the habit of quitting, and thinking and believing that there's no point in trying anymore. And that's sad. And you do not need to go there. There is no truth to those thoughts. So you're going to recognize the signals that quitting is on the horizon for you. And then what do you do when you notice you're familiar signals that the thoughts of quitting are sneaking up on you? So first breathe. Slow down and breathe. And I want you to see what's happening. Stand back from your thoughts, and just see yourself as a person having thoughts about quitting. They are not any more meaningful than if you notice thoughts about needing to go grocery shopping, because the fridge is empty. You are just a woman having thoughts about quitting. I want you to shift those thoughts. I want you to see them as your old, quitting, habitual thoughts. ‘There you are old buddy. Thanks for visiting but I'm busy now. And I don't have time to entertain you. There's no room for you here, and I don't really want to hear what you have to say’. Know that this old pal is here because you've created this habit of thinking about quitting. That's all. There is no more meaning to it than that. It's just a thinking habit. In fact, even when you are doing well, even when you are making progress, you may come up against a wall that you've always hit in the past. Maybe it's a week for you. Maybe it's a month, maybe it's a few months, Where in the past, this is where you've typically given up on yourself. And so you've trained your thoughts to go to the possibility of quitting. And if you've failed many times, depending on how you think about failing, failing can be painful, of course. So maybe you're thinking about quitting, to protect you from the pain of failing again. But it doesn't matter, because it's still just a brain habit. It's still an old loop in your head, that you need to ignore so you can get past it. So you're going to notice it, name it, call it what it is, see what's happening. And that's it. There is no action required. So what's next for you. Think of the suggestion to quit, or the urge to quit, as kind of a hump that you need to get over. If this is your pattern, then doing it is painful and uncomfortable, but it's what you've always done. So not doing it, will also be painful and uncomfortable, but the difference is, that not doing it, eve though it's uncomfortable, it's going to get you where you want to go. And if quitting is always uncomfortable, then I want you to not quit, and I want you to willingly go through that hump of discomfort to get over it. To get to the other side. Because I promise you that if you keep going, it will definitely b comfortable on the other side. Pause. Rise above it. Expect it to come, right? It's no surprise. This is your pattern. It's no surprise that you're going to have these thoughts of giving up. Rise above it and look down at what's happening, and evaluate it unemotionally. And then I want you to create a new way to think about this familiar urge to quit. So a new thought that's going to help you separate your thoughts and your feelings from your reality, might be something like this. You might think, ‘I feel like quitting because I'm thinking I can never do this, or ‘I feel like giving up because I'm thinking I've never gotten this far before’, or ‘I feel like quitting because I'm afraid of failing again’. When you think this way, it's helping you separate what's real, and what thoughts and feelings you’re creating because it's just a habit. Remember, you are not your thoughts. You're just a woman, having thoughts. So try to be more objective. See that it's not real. It's just something that your mind has made up, and then you practiced it until you believed it, and you considered it the truth. And if you believe it's the truth, then of course, if I tell you that you're going to step back and see it differently, of course it's going to be little bit uncomfortable to get to that place, and stop believing those thoughts that feel so real to you. So before I leave you with these thoughts for today, here's what I want you to focus on. Falling down is natural. And we've talked about some of these before, and some of them, you may feel are repetitive. But they're repetitive because it takes a while for you to learn to think differently. So falling down is natural. Stayin down is not. Even if it's what you've always done. Even if you have no practice getting up and going all the way to the finis line. Staying down is not what you want. And I know it's not who you truly are. And I know, for sure, that you can do this. So knowing that this will surely come up for you, expect it, and embrace it. Because the only way to get past your quitting habit, is by facing it and getting through it. I'd love for you to write to me and let me know how you're doing with this. Let me know your experiences. So that's it for this subject in our coaching session today. I hope to see you back next week, where we will continue to work on your emotional eating, until it becomes something that you used to do. Because we both know that is your ultimate goal. I will see you next week.